Your Secret You

Practical and profound ways to overcome stress.

The Way People See Each Other

If you examine connections between people that are around each other for a significant amount of time, you may notice a peculiar pattern that emerges in the following stages:

  1. Upon meeting someone intriguing, there is a temptation for one or both parties to get lost in a sense of admiration or respect. In these moments, people usually show their best face, and so glamorous first impressions lead to more time spent together. In the worst cases, this sense of admirations turns into fantasies of future enjoyment with the other person.

  2. As time passes, the facade begins to break away, revealing hints at something much darker living in the person. However, acknowledging the sight of this darker side almost always disturbs the affected person. Thus, in order to maintain a peaceful existence, both parties must pretend that they are not offended or disturbed by the other. Over time, they see more and more how the other person doesn’t live up to those dreamy fantasies.

  3. The pain of maintaining cognitive dissonance can become too much, and hatred bubbles to the surface. In the worst scenarios, people will actively seek to destroy each other.

  4. After the relationship dissolves, a feeling of loneliness sets in, creating a desire to find someone else to repeat the cycle with.

Breaking this pattern of human behaviour will not stop other people from hating you, but it can stop you from creating unecessary pain for yourself and others.

  1. No man is good. While it’s fine to observe the positive behaviour of others, do not be fooled into thinking anyone is good. The demons inside yourself are the same demons everyone in the world must overcome if they want to live in the truth.

  2. Notice how you are tempted to feel certain ways about people. Rather than taking those feelings seriously, as many do, let go of them. If you allow your feelings to take hold, those feelings will produce actions that will make your situation worse. Have no expectations. No matter if people do good or evil, you won’t be surprised.

  3. You can easily become dependant on other people for the feelings you get from them. Friends typically make each other feel good, and so if that good feeling disappears, the facade of friendship is revealed to be hatred. You can have a good time with the people around you, but quietly refuse to need others for any reason, but especially to get feelings.

  4. Watch closely and patiently, and the right way to handle a person will become apparent. Rather than judging others, watch your own motives carefully. The more you understand your own motives, the more you will understand the behaviour of others. You do not need to feel anything about a situation–rather, you need clarity to see an obvious way forward through life.

  5. Clarity destroy the need for judgement and feelings. Clarity frees you from the slavery and pain that comes from hatred. If clarity seems to escape you, it is better to wait and sit through the pain of waiting, than to act out of hasty desperation.